Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize