Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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