Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
