Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
