Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I won the penis lottery.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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