Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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