where am i from again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
