I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
