so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My cat gives me a boner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My feet surprised me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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