A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
