So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
