Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
