Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
