so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
