My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She even gives head with a lisp.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
