I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize