I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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