From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
