The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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