I want to walk on stilts...naked
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
