if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
