Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
