to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
