I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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