i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize