so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
