if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
