We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
