piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
