Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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