i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
