Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
