How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
