Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
