so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
