She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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