Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
