hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
