I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
