don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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