I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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