He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
