I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
