I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
