So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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