She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
