I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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