Have you finally orgasmed yet?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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