dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize