I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
