Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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