two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
