So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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