hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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