how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize