You smell like stripper and shame
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
