he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
