he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
