I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
