why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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