Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
