She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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