If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm too high and old for this...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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