A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
