I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
