she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
