He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
50% drunk capacity currently
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize