I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
