I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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