bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need a beard to bite.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
