I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
