the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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