If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
