My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this just has baby written all over it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
