i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize