I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
