I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
