I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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