you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is Oprah even human
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
