Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
