i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
