I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize