what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
