Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i love accidental penises.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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