i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
