You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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