I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
