my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
