y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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