i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
