is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
