Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
