i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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