I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
